Post by jeffcardinalfan on Mar 23, 2024 2:09:49 GMT -7
Mike. Hey Monty come on in. You said you needed to meet with me. What's going on?
Monty. Will mike this is kind of embarrassing with a possible scenarios for what we can do with our number four pick in the upcoming draft are too overwhelming. Myself and my staff are working 20 hours a day. I'm making 30 phone calls a day. I've got 20 dry erase boards hanging in my office and I've went through four cases of markers. So if you okay it I want to bring in some outside help but it has to be hush hush.
Mike. Okay monte, what you have in mind?
We were unable to record any audio during their conversation except for a few muffled whispers so we move forward...
A tall rugged Man Parks his car in front of the Cardinals facility and enters the building. He's wearing a Detroit tigers cap and dark sunglasses. He approaches the front desk and tells the receptionist he's there for meeting with Mike. All the staff working in the area are thrilled because they're pretty sure they know who he is.
The receptionist looks at her appointment book and there's an appointment scheduled but there's no name. Just a comment saying send this guy right up from Mike.
The receptionist. Yes sir go right ahead Mike is expecting you.
The mysterious stranger heads down the hallway to the elevator and we captured the following audio.
Receptionist. Y'all know who that was?
Staffer number one. I'm not sure but I think it was Peyton Manning. It's hard to disguise that big head of his.
Staffer number two. Oh you're silly. That's not manning. That was Joe Montana. I'd recognize him anywhere.
Kyler Murray enters the building it says good morning ladies to the staffers.
Staffers. Good morning Mr Murray. Did you say that guy who came in in front of you? Was that Peyton manning? Was that Joe montana?
The little dude. Laughing. I don't think so ladies. I think that's the guy that played Batman in the last Batman movie. I've got a meeting scheduled with Mike
The receptionist. Mike is expecting you. Go right up.
We now pick up audio from inside Mike's office.
Mike. Good morning kyler. Come on in.
Monty. Good morning, come on in.
The little dude. Good morning. To himself I think I know that other guy. I'm pretty sure he played Batman in the last Batman movie.
The mysterious stranger doesn't say anything but not. To himself. Wow he really is short.
The little dude to the mysterious stranger. Hey I know you. You play Batman in the last Batman movie didn't you?
The mysterious stranger. No I did not.
The little dude. Yeah you're right that wasn't you. But I got it now your sonny Weaver.
Mysterious stranger doesn't say anything but smiles.
Monty to the little dude. Okay now I'll tell you why you're here and what we're going to do. This gentleman you see is a draft expert and he's going to give us some assistance this year but we're going to need your cooperation and we wanted to speak to you about this before we went forward. So pay attention to what this man says.
The mysterious stranger. Okay guys this is what we're going to do. Monte you have one of the interns leak it to the press that we've scheduled a secret private workout with Caleb Williams, mccarthy, daniels, and mayo.
Mike, you call Mel copper and ask him where his opinion on all of the top four quarterbacks in this year's draft. Don't pay attention to anything that he says we're just planting a seed.
Kyler, this is what I want you to do. Wait a couple hours after our meeting and then delete your Cardinal stuff on your Instagram Twitter tiktok whatever other social media platform you're part of. Have your agent call the bears, the commanders, and the Patriots and ask him to give them the idea that you're unhappy in Arizona due to recent developments. You can mention the private workouts but don't be real specific.
Little dude. Okay I got you. You really are Sunny Weaver aren't you? To himself. Unhappy? Yes I'm unhappy? I've been here for years y'all haven't gotten me any receivers yet that I can see. And if I had a nickel for every time and offensive lineman has told me sorry kyler that we let you get hammered on that play I would be so rich I wouldn't even have to play football.
The mysterious stranger. No I am not Sunny Weaver. That was a movie and I did play that role.
The little dude. Well that explains a lot. I wondered why I couldn't find vonte Mack when we played the browns. I wanted to get his autograph.
The mysterious stranger says nothing but rolls his eyes. To himself. This guy is dumber than a rock. Good thing he can throw the football.
Monty. Okay so what do we do now? I understand making the phone calls and I understand making it look like we're having secret workouts with the top quarterback prospects and I understand why you want Little dude too get rid of his Cardinal stuff on social media but what's next?
The mysterious stranger. I forgot one thing we need to do. You need to call the Seattle GM at least four times a day for the next 5 weeks.
Monty. Okay, but why, we're not going to make a trade with the division rival and Seattle doesn't have the draft picks that I want.
The mysterious stranger. I agree with you completely about that. I just want you to call Seattle to mess with them cuz I can't stand them. And make sure when you're talking to him on the phone that you mention to him how much you're enjoying pancakes.
Monty. That sounds like fun. You're a genius!
The mysterious stranger. Okay this is what you do after all the press leaks. You call a press conference and you tell the media that you're very happy with the little dude as your quarterback and it's merely unsubstantiated rumors that you're now considering drafting a quarterback in round 1. Then sit back and relax. The more you deny that you might draft a quarterback the more your phone's going to ring. Mike has agreed to hire an FBI expert to listen in on the phone calls and to help you determine which general manager is the most desperate. In my opinion if you work this right we can get three number ones and a number two and the best part is you don't have to make the phone calls you sit and relax and wait for them to call you.
Mike. Okay guys. I really like this plan. Just make sure that we keep this very very on the down low. Monty, Kyler y'all could go. Me and this gentleman still going to have a little bit more business to discuss
The mysterious stranger. What other businesses to discuss?
Mike. Well I have an idea and I wanted to run it past you. What would you think if we remarketed our mustard packets to be called Yellowstone mustard and we had your picture wearing a cowboy hat on them.
The mysterious stranger. Well Mike I'm not really interested in that but thanks anyway. I've got to go now. Don't forget you said I could borrow your private jet next week. To himself. This guy really is crazy.
Monty. Will mike this is kind of embarrassing with a possible scenarios for what we can do with our number four pick in the upcoming draft are too overwhelming. Myself and my staff are working 20 hours a day. I'm making 30 phone calls a day. I've got 20 dry erase boards hanging in my office and I've went through four cases of markers. So if you okay it I want to bring in some outside help but it has to be hush hush.
Mike. Okay monte, what you have in mind?
We were unable to record any audio during their conversation except for a few muffled whispers so we move forward...
A tall rugged Man Parks his car in front of the Cardinals facility and enters the building. He's wearing a Detroit tigers cap and dark sunglasses. He approaches the front desk and tells the receptionist he's there for meeting with Mike. All the staff working in the area are thrilled because they're pretty sure they know who he is.
The receptionist looks at her appointment book and there's an appointment scheduled but there's no name. Just a comment saying send this guy right up from Mike.
The receptionist. Yes sir go right ahead Mike is expecting you.
The mysterious stranger heads down the hallway to the elevator and we captured the following audio.
Receptionist. Y'all know who that was?
Staffer number one. I'm not sure but I think it was Peyton Manning. It's hard to disguise that big head of his.
Staffer number two. Oh you're silly. That's not manning. That was Joe Montana. I'd recognize him anywhere.
Kyler Murray enters the building it says good morning ladies to the staffers.
Staffers. Good morning Mr Murray. Did you say that guy who came in in front of you? Was that Peyton manning? Was that Joe montana?
The little dude. Laughing. I don't think so ladies. I think that's the guy that played Batman in the last Batman movie. I've got a meeting scheduled with Mike
The receptionist. Mike is expecting you. Go right up.
We now pick up audio from inside Mike's office.
Mike. Good morning kyler. Come on in.
Monty. Good morning, come on in.
The little dude. Good morning. To himself I think I know that other guy. I'm pretty sure he played Batman in the last Batman movie.
The mysterious stranger doesn't say anything but not. To himself. Wow he really is short.
The little dude to the mysterious stranger. Hey I know you. You play Batman in the last Batman movie didn't you?
The mysterious stranger. No I did not.
The little dude. Yeah you're right that wasn't you. But I got it now your sonny Weaver.
Mysterious stranger doesn't say anything but smiles.
Monty to the little dude. Okay now I'll tell you why you're here and what we're going to do. This gentleman you see is a draft expert and he's going to give us some assistance this year but we're going to need your cooperation and we wanted to speak to you about this before we went forward. So pay attention to what this man says.
The mysterious stranger. Okay guys this is what we're going to do. Monte you have one of the interns leak it to the press that we've scheduled a secret private workout with Caleb Williams, mccarthy, daniels, and mayo.
Mike, you call Mel copper and ask him where his opinion on all of the top four quarterbacks in this year's draft. Don't pay attention to anything that he says we're just planting a seed.
Kyler, this is what I want you to do. Wait a couple hours after our meeting and then delete your Cardinal stuff on your Instagram Twitter tiktok whatever other social media platform you're part of. Have your agent call the bears, the commanders, and the Patriots and ask him to give them the idea that you're unhappy in Arizona due to recent developments. You can mention the private workouts but don't be real specific.
Little dude. Okay I got you. You really are Sunny Weaver aren't you? To himself. Unhappy? Yes I'm unhappy? I've been here for years y'all haven't gotten me any receivers yet that I can see. And if I had a nickel for every time and offensive lineman has told me sorry kyler that we let you get hammered on that play I would be so rich I wouldn't even have to play football.
The mysterious stranger. No I am not Sunny Weaver. That was a movie and I did play that role.
The little dude. Well that explains a lot. I wondered why I couldn't find vonte Mack when we played the browns. I wanted to get his autograph.
The mysterious stranger says nothing but rolls his eyes. To himself. This guy is dumber than a rock. Good thing he can throw the football.
Monty. Okay so what do we do now? I understand making the phone calls and I understand making it look like we're having secret workouts with the top quarterback prospects and I understand why you want Little dude too get rid of his Cardinal stuff on social media but what's next?
The mysterious stranger. I forgot one thing we need to do. You need to call the Seattle GM at least four times a day for the next 5 weeks.
Monty. Okay, but why, we're not going to make a trade with the division rival and Seattle doesn't have the draft picks that I want.
The mysterious stranger. I agree with you completely about that. I just want you to call Seattle to mess with them cuz I can't stand them. And make sure when you're talking to him on the phone that you mention to him how much you're enjoying pancakes.
Monty. That sounds like fun. You're a genius!
The mysterious stranger. Okay this is what you do after all the press leaks. You call a press conference and you tell the media that you're very happy with the little dude as your quarterback and it's merely unsubstantiated rumors that you're now considering drafting a quarterback in round 1. Then sit back and relax. The more you deny that you might draft a quarterback the more your phone's going to ring. Mike has agreed to hire an FBI expert to listen in on the phone calls and to help you determine which general manager is the most desperate. In my opinion if you work this right we can get three number ones and a number two and the best part is you don't have to make the phone calls you sit and relax and wait for them to call you.
Mike. Okay guys. I really like this plan. Just make sure that we keep this very very on the down low. Monty, Kyler y'all could go. Me and this gentleman still going to have a little bit more business to discuss
The mysterious stranger. What other businesses to discuss?
Mike. Well I have an idea and I wanted to run it past you. What would you think if we remarketed our mustard packets to be called Yellowstone mustard and we had your picture wearing a cowboy hat on them.
The mysterious stranger. Well Mike I'm not really interested in that but thanks anyway. I've got to go now. Don't forget you said I could borrow your private jet next week. To himself. This guy really is crazy.